#AskTheExpert: Your Top Questions On The Mental Health Impact of Love, Heartbreak, and Toxic Relationships, Answered By Leading Experts

Impact of Relationships on Mental Health

As one of the most significant aspects of human life, relationships undeniably affect our mental well-being. Some of the most heart-wrenching questions from readers centred around the emotional toll that betrayal and infidelity can take, as well as the mental challenges of emotional dependency.

1. How do betrayal and infidelity affect mental health, and what is the recovery process?

“Any act of mistrust, no matter how small, can deeply affect the feelings of the partner on the receiving end. Infidelity, in particular, shakes the foundation of a relationship, often leading to bitterness, self-doubt, and loss of trust,” said Dr Sonal Anand, Psychiatrist, Wockhardt Hospitals, Mira Road, Mumbai. While some partners choose separation, others may attempt to forgive, though forgetting may take longer. One-time betrayals are typically easier to move past, but the healing process is often lengthy and challenging, requiring time and effort to rebuild trust.

2. What exactly is trauma bonding, and how can we identify it?

Trauma bonding is the attachment an abused person feels for their abuser, specifically in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse and positive reinforcement.

According to the International Journal of Indian Psychology, a key aspect of traumatic bonds is that individuals who are abused often respond negatively to those who try to help them. This reaction can stem from a psychological connection to their abuser while feeling hostility toward their supporters. This confusing dynamic may arise from being in an emotionally intense situation with the abuser for an extended period.

Trauma bonding is one reason that leaving an abusive situation can feel confusing and overwhelming. Here are some signs shared by Dr Anand:

• The sufferer wants to leave but is unable to end the relationship and suffers emotionally whenever he/she tries. 
• The sufferer focuses more on the good old days and constantly believes that things will get back to normal despite no change in the abuser’s behaviour pattern. 
• The sufferer does not open up about the abuse and mostly protects and defend the abuser when confronted.

Managing Relationship Challenges

Long-distance relationships, separation anxiety, and emotional manipulation were also topics our readers asked about. These aspects of relationships can create significant psychological challenges that require intentional strategies and open communication.

3. How can we deal with separation anxiety in long-distance relationships or post-breakup?

Separation anxiety can be a challenging experience, whether it arises from a long-distance relationship or the aftermath of a breakup. To manage these feelings effectively, it’s important to adopt strategies that encourage connection, self-care, and emotional resilience. Archana Singhal, Counsellor and Family Therapist, Founder, Mindwell Counsel, Delhi shares some tips to manage such situations smoothly:

• Stay connected with your partner through regular video calls, text messages, or even video messages. Sharing your daily experiences can help bridge the physical distance and maintain emotional intimacy.
• Establish milestones, such as planning future visits or shared experiences. Having something to look forward to can provide a sense of purpose and reduce uncertainty.
• Develop rituals that strengthen your bond, like watching a movie together online every week or exchanging handwritten letters. These small but meaningful actions help maintain a sense of closeness.
• Engage in hobbies, build friendships, and participate in activities that bring joy and purpose to your life. 
• Diversifying your focus can reduce anxiety and foster a sense of independence.
• Use this time to invest in your self-development. Pursue goals, learn new skills, or practice mindfulness to build resilience and confidence.

4. Why is it said never to sleep over a fight with your partner?

“Sleeping over a fight might seem like a way to avoid confrontation, but it can actually make things worse.  Unresolved issues can fester and lead to resentment over time. Going to bed angry may create a pattern of avoidance and silent frustration. Addressing problems promptly prevents negative feelings from harming the relationship,” said Jyoti Gautam, Psychologist, Lissun, a Mental Health Platform.

Resolving conflicts before sleeping shows a commitment to healthy communication, encourages finding common ground, and strengthens emotional bonds. It fosters understanding and builds a stronger, more connected partnership.

5. What are some signs of emotional manipulation or gaslighting in a relationship?

Emotional manipulation, particularly gaslighting, is a dangerous pattern that leaves individuals doubting their reality. According to a 2023 study, gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where the perpetrator causes the victim to doubt their own thoughts, question their perception of reality, and feel as though they are losing their sanity.

“A common sign is when a partner frequently denies their past statements or commitments, leaving you to question your own perception and understanding. They may refuse to acknowledge things they’ve said or done, and when you try to bring it up, they deny ever mentioning it. This tactic makes you doubt yourself. Another red flag is when they consistently blame you for their problems or emotions, making you feel responsible for their emotional state,” explains Singhal.

6. How do long-distance relationships affect mental health?

According to a 2017 study, being in a long-distance dating relationship often brings psychological challenges such as loneliness and uncertainty about the relationship. Many people in such relationships share that adjusting to being apart takes time.

“This depends on many variables like the length of the relationship, the expectations out of it, the kind of liberties and level of understanding that the partners have for each other and most importantly the trust that they have for each other and whether they have pre-set rules,” said Dr Anand. Any insecurities in these mentioned variables can have a negative impact.

7. How to handle conflicts without stress after the ‘honeymoon’ phase?

Establishing healthy communication practices is key to managing conflicts in a relationship. Focus on active listening and express your feelings and needs without accusing your partner. “Using “I” statements helps centre the conversation around your own experiences rather than placing blame. If emotions become intense, it’s okay to take a short break to cool down before revisiting the issue,” said Singhal. 

For a healthier understanding, shift the focus from blame to problem-solving by discussing what both partners can do to resolve the conflict. Setting boundaries is also crucial; agree on what is acceptable behaviour during conflicts, such as avoiding name-calling or raising your voices.

Also Read: Navigating Love: Mental Health Challenges in LGBTQ+ Relationships

Supporting Partners In Relationships

Relationships thrive when partners actively support each other, especially during tough times. Many of our readers asked how they could support their partners through trauma, or manage their own emotional growth while being in a relationship.

8. How can I support my partner who is struggling with a traumatic event?

“Supporting a partner through trauma requires patience, empathy, and understanding. Start by creating a safe, non-judgmental space where they feel comfortable expressing their feelings. Encourage open communication, but never push them to talk before they’re ready,” advises Sumalatha Vasudeva Psychologist, Gleneagles BGS Hospital, Kengeri, Bengaluru. Offer emotional validation and let them know they’re not alone in this journey. At the same time, it’s important to recognise your own limits. Encourage professional support, such as therapy or counselling, if necessary, as healing is a shared responsibility, and you can’t carry the weight alone.

9. How do we manage ego in relationships?

When ego starts to interfere with a relationship, it’s important to take proactive steps to manage it. Singhal suggests practising self-awareness and focusing on active listening rather than asserting one’s own needs. Open, honest conversations and regular check-ins with your partner help prevent the buildup of frustration and create an environment where both individuals feel safe to express their thoughts without fear of defensiveness.

10. My partner is five years younger and lacks maturity, which stresses me out. How can I handle this?

It can be challenging when you feel there’s a gap in emotional maturity between you and your partner, especially when age plays a role.  

Age and maturity do not always correlate, and relationships can face challenges when there is a perceived difference in emotional or psychological maturity. “First, understand the reasons behind your partner’s behaviour. Maturity is often shaped by experiences, and it’s important to communicate openly about your expectations and frustrations without belittling your partner,” said Vasudeva. Establish clear boundaries and share your feelings honestly but with empathy. Support their growth while recognising that maturity takes time and can evolve differently for each person.

Also Read: 6 Things You Must Look In Your Partner For Emotional Support

11. How can we balance fights with our partner and a demanding work schedule?

Balancing a demanding work schedule with relationship conflicts can feel overwhelming, but it’s possible to manage with the right approach. Follow these tips shared by Vasudeva:

• Setting boundaries around work and personal time is key—make sure to carve out time for meaningful connection with your partner. 
• During disagreements, try to avoid discussing important issues when you’re both stressed or exhausted. Use conflict-resolution strategies like taking breaks when needed, staying calm, and listening actively. Prioritise self-care by engaging in activities that recharge your mental health, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends. 
• Healthy communication and time management can help prevent burnout.

Personal Growth in Relationships

Relationships can be a catalyst for personal growth, but they can also perpetuate emotional dependency if not managed well. One of the most common questions we received was about cultivating independence and reducing emotional reliance on a partner.

12. How can we reduce emotional dependency on our partner?

Emotional dependency can place a heavy burden on a relationship, but with the right approach, it’s possible to cultivate a healthier dynamic. Here are some tips shared by Vasudeva:

• Reducing emotional dependency starts with fostering a sense of self-worth and independence. 
• Cultivate your own interests, hobbies, and social connections outside of the relationship. 
• Set personal goals and encourage each other to grow individually. 
• Openly discuss your emotional needs with your partner and work on creating a healthy balance where both partners are emotionally supported but not overly reliant on one another. 
• Therapy or counselling can also help individuals develop stronger emotional resilience and autonomy.

13. What patterns should we watch for when we’re drifting away from others because of our partner?

It’s easy to get caught up in the intensity of a relationship, but it’s crucial to maintain a healthy balance with other aspects of your life.  

“Patterns to watch for include withdrawing from friends or family to prioritise time with your partner, a decline in social interactions, or feeling anxious about spending time away from your partner,” added Vasudeva. If you notice you’re sacrificing other relationships or losing a sense of self, it may be a sign to reassess the balance in your life. Healthy relationships should enhance your overall well-being, not replace or diminish other meaningful connections.

Breakups and Moving On

According to a 2024 study, breakups are common for young adults and often lead to increased feelings of depression and anxiety, particularly when there are attachment insecurities. These insecurities before a breakup are linked to higher depression and anxiety afterwards, mainly due to more self-punishment and less use of coping strategies like accommodation.

Breakups and emotional pain featured prominently in our list of questions. Readers asked about topics like:

14. Is it possible to not move on from a relationship even years after separation?

“It’s a complex issue, as some animals, like certain birds and mammals, stop procreating after the death of their mate, a phenomenon whose evolutionary basis remains unclear. Similarly, in humans, moving on can be difficult for some individuals even years after a breakup. The causes can be deeply rooted in factors like displaced fear, denial, and the inability to forgive either the other person or oneself,” explained Dr Anand.

15. How to deal with a breakup and the emotional toll it takes?

“Love is one of the deepest feelings we experience. We don’t start any relationship thinking it will end. But over time, love can turn into a situation where we don’t feel good with our partner anymore and it doesn’t satisfy both sides,” said Gautam.

Breakups are deeply painful because they represent not just the end of a relationship but also the dreams tied to it. Like grief, they involve stages of denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally acceptance, as we process the emotional absence of a once-significant partner. 

Five Stages of Breakup Grief:

1. Denial: “This isn’t real; we’ll reconcile.”

Action: Process reality by journaling or talking to a trusted friend.

2. Anger: “How could they hurt me like this?”

Action: Channel anger into exercise, art, or venting constructively. Avoid rash actions.

3. Bargaining: “If I change, they’ll come back.”

Action: Reflect on the relationship honestly, acknowledging both positives and negatives.

4. Depression: “Will I ever feel happy again?”

Action: Seek support, practice self-care, and engage in small, comforting activities.

5. Acceptance: “It’s over, but I can move forward.”

Action: Set new goals, rediscover hobbies, and focus on personal growth.

Navigating these stages takes time, but understanding them can help you heal and regain your emotional balance.

Building Emotionally Fulfilling Relationships

Healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding, respect, and a willingness to grow together. When emotional depth and mental well-being are prioritised, partnerships become more enriching and fulfilling, paving the way for stronger connections.

These questions often arise when people try to navigate the complexities of relationships and mental well-being:

16. How do we know if we have a mental health issue related to our relationship or just stress?

Stress often comes from specific situations, like disagreements or external pressures, and usually fades once resolved. It’s manageable with healthy coping strategies.

“However, persistent sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness lasting weeks, interfering with daily life, or stemming from toxic patterns like manipulation or constant criticism could indicate a mental health concern. Physical symptoms like fatigue or feeling trapped and hopeless in the relationship are also signs it may go beyond regular stress,” said Vasudeva.

17. Why do real relationships seem to lack emotional depth and focus only on the physical?

Emotional depth means going beyond surface-level conversations to share your innermost thoughts, fears, and dreams. It’s the ability to connect in ways that feel vulnerable yet safe.

“Emotional intimacy is the foundation of all healthy relationships. It’s the sense of closeness and connection you feel with another person. The feeling of being truly seen, heard and appreciated by your partner. In turn, this helps create trust and security in a relationship,” said Gautam.

Reasons Behind the Lack of Emotional Depth:

• Cultural Shifts: Dating apps and social media prioritise instant gratification and physical attraction, leaving less space for meaningful emotional connections.
• Fear of Vulnerability: Many avoid opening up due to fear of rejection or past traumas, which limits deeper bonding.
• Misaligned Expectations: When one partner seeks emotional depth and the other prioritises physical connection, it can create imbalance.
• Limited Emotional Skills: Not everyone develops the emotional intelligence needed for deep connections, and societal norms may discourage emotional expression, especially in men.
• Superficial Validation: Physical chemistry can feel validated in the short term but may not sustain long-term fulfilment without emotional investment.

Takeaway

Relationships are as rewarding as they are challenging. They hold the power to heal or harm, depending on how we nurture them. Setting boundaries, prioritising communication, and seeking professional help when needed are essential steps toward healthier connections. Whether you’re celebrating love, navigating conflicts, or healing from heartbreak, remember that your mental health deserves as much attention as the relationships you cherish.

[Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, please seek professional help or join online communities dedicated to mental health support.]